DO WE REALLY NEED RELATIONSHIPS?

 DO WE REALLY NEED RELATIONSHIPS?

A reflection after being in the Inner Institute of Inner Sciences in Tennesse with Sadhguru

I recently had a discussion with my brother and his girlfriend about how cultures influence people. After living a year in Spain, three years in New York/New Jersey, and most of my life in Barranquilla, Colombia with the exception of my first three years spent in Riohacha, La Guajira, Colombia, I believe cultures influence life experiences. From my perspective, in India, sex is considered sacred, whereas in Colombia it is viewed as a moment of pleasure. While I studied law at Universidad del Norte, Barranquilla, I have been told that relationships are the most important thing. Relationships give you opportunities such as a position, money, job offers, and even more becoming a lawyer. I refused to believe that and have never cared about acting fake or being “diplomatic.” If I like someone I like them and if I dislike someone, I try to be polite but keep my distance. I have also been criticized for this by my closest friends. Tomas, you need to relax. However, I am not interested in having any kind of relationship with people whose principles are far from mine. I am far from being perfect and I am incredibly happy about it. In the words of a TV personality, if I do not like you, I do not like you. That said, I try not to be rude and hurt people's feelings. It is even harder with my closest friends. I can tell you how many friendships have ended. As the Puerto Rican saying goes,“Menos perros, menos pulgas.”

On the other hand, I am good at making new acquaintances. That is how I met my teacher Vandana whom I like to call my Guru. One day she sent me a video of Yoga and I told her it was just what I needed. Since then, I have been interested in the path of Yoga. I was recently in the U.S. to visit my friend William as well as my brother, Sebas and his girlfriend Marcela. While I was in the U.S. I decided to accompany Vandana and Ricardo, another Colombian man, to the Isha Institute of Inner Science near Nashville, Tennessee. By the way,if you have an opportunity, I highly recommend you visit Nashville. It is a great city. I had a great time with my teacher and Ricardo. I recommend you to try Yoga with Sadhguru (https://www.innerengineering.com/). He spoke about important things about humanity and performed a powerful meditation. I would have never known about him if it had not been for my teacher Vandana.

Speaking of Sadhguru, I recently finished reading the two and one book “Relationships and Emotions. ” I have previously read three of his books. Inner Engineering, Death, and Karma. By far, Karma is my favorite book. It is such a useful and pragmatic book. I can state that for Sadhguru, Vandana, and I, what most matters about relationships are genuine intentions. For instance, I never thought that to this day, Sonia would be one of my closest friends. We did not have a good start. But through the years we both realized we share the same principles and very few times we agree to disagree. Another friend, Carlos Luis or Luis Carlos has helped me in difficult times. I also consider my friend Liz a very dear friend. I hope her beautiful soul is protecting all of us. Marvin of course is my eldest friend. Also, Karina and I had a rough start. Politically, she and I are different but respect each other. I also have a long list of people I do not wish to be friends with anymore. Why? Because we no longer share the same points of view we sometimes had. Anyway, “para adelante vive más gente en casa de concreto y con vista al mar," a Saying by a Dominican La Doctora Nancy and friend George.

That said, I will share a useful and powerful phrase Sadhguru wrote in his two in 1 book with my comments regarding them. He started his book with a powerful phrase that makes me feel I am a human being and not a conflictive person as some portray me to be. “Human beings constantly make and break relationships.” He said the only relationship that can last long is the one made on the level of life energies. First, he advises that we should not try to manage other people, we should just include this person. We cannot try to make the other person as equal as us because “everybody is unique, every mind is unique, every set of emotions is unique. They can never fit into another one perfectly”.

“Nobody likes to be “managed.” When they realize you are managing them, they will give you hell.” That is very true. I once told an ex-friend if you want to be in love with someone you must meet him and see his true soul, do not try to manage him, or manipulate him because in the end, it will turn out for the worst. That in fact is what happened. You can also see people try to find happiness in other people which is also not good. “Love is about you.” There is another aspect I enjoy about the book. It says different relationships need to be conducted in different ways but says something even stronger, “You exist in a loving manner and build relationships according to needs.” This is very true to me.. Friendships must be pleasant and when it stops being that way perhaps it is time to let it go. He states, “in the name of love, you make yourself so absolutely helpless and incomplete within yourself.” People always ask me why I am alone. I tell them because I choose to be. I love being alone. Before I needed sexual gratification. But when you get into Yoga it is more than that. You realize sex is not the best thing in the world as society believes it is. But to each their own. “If you go on playing around with too many people, after some time you become numb. You do not appreciate anyone because there is something called runanubandha.” Yoga is a science compared to physics which both try to interpret the intelligence of the Cosmos/Nature/Energies. One from inside you (Yoga) and one from the outside (Physics). Regarding sex, Sadhguru states, “if there are multiple partners, the body slowly gets confused over a period of time and this confusion will tell in your life in a million ways.”But at the end, he says “you can mess yourself as much as you want, that is up to you. But you cannot mess a fresh life that is just coming up.”

It is good to have relationships. For instance, I enjoy talking to my father about many topics or I enjoy talking and laughing with Sonia. Listening to my mother, etc. But I honestly believe it is better to walk alone than to walk with a fool. What is a true friend? Sadhguru has the perfect answer, “a true friend is someone who has the courage to tell you what shit you are, and still is loving and nice to you.” He encourages people not to care about being popular if you really care about someone. “Be a little more courageous in your friendships. Be ready to lose them, it is ok. At least if you care, you must do what is good for the other, not for yourself.”

In conclusion, I would say we do not need relationships to survive but we must be inclusive and let life surprise us from time to time. There is nothing wrong with being alone. If you choose to be alone that is fine. But we must learn how to be inclusive and care about human beings. That is what I believe Yoga is all about. “Yoga is the science of creating the right kind of chemistry.” As for obtaining a job, money, and other things, prepare yourself and be more competent. The result will speak for itself.